


Knowing You

by Ce_ba



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Summary sounds more angsty than this is, and is totally in love, but Ronan is a cheesy nerd, there's tiny bit angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5517707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ce_ba/pseuds/Ce_ba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam has a panic attack and Ronan is there to see the fallout.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing You

**Author's Note:**

> I decided not to work on any more fanfic this year I'm just gonna upload this (my first) Pynch ficlet that I managed to write down during all the exam stress of the previous weeks. Or more accurate that I started as an outlet for my own stress/panic attacks.   
> So yeah. I hope I got the dynamics right and everything. Happy Holidays and enjoy!

There was no reason for Ronan Lynch to be in love with Adam Parrish, and yet he was. It wasn't that Adam was irresistibly attractive, though he was handsome with his sandpaper hair, the freckles that dusted his cheeks, and the grease stained hands that never seemed to get clean no matter how often Adam washed them. He always smelled of car grease and Gansey's mint, and of late something mossy and cabeswater-y had come to the mix making Ronan want to be around him 24/7 just to breathe him in.

When he first met Adam Ronan had resented him, the trailer trash asshole who was pretending to be better than he was. Then he'd found out what Adam really was: A wild and broken thing like Ronan. Maybe it had been that they bonded over, or the shared resentment of the wealthy boys around them, or maybe they were just so used to picking up pieces that they did it with others without thinking and both of them enjoyed having someone else to hand them what they needed to fix themselves.

Because there were so many things about Adam that drew Ronan toward him he couldn't pinpoint exactly when he realized he was in love with Adam either. Maybe it was the first time he saw Adam in Latin class. Maybe it was when Adam got out of Gansey's car that fateful first morning that Gansey introduced them. Maybe it was after the Kavinsky incident, both of them major fuck ups in Gansey's book now, that he had looked up, found Adam still by his side, and thought if he kissed Adam right then it might not be so bad. If he kissed Adam right then he would enjoy it. Adam Parrish was kissable.

And more importantly, Ronan wanted to kiss him. A part of him that he couldn’t measure wanted it badly, regardless of all the other circumstances that factored into how possible it was. The other circumstances that turned thinking about kissing Adam into a likeness of dreaming: No matter how real it seemed it never was, and Ronan could tell. The factor responsible was a rather simple one. Ronan would never be able to kiss Adam because Adam liked girls. Ronan was no girl and so Adam would never like him in the way that would allow Ronan to kiss him.

He soon forgot about it, lived with the fact that his feelings weren't reciprocated the same way he lived with the fact that his father was dead. Unhappy and drinking life somehow went on. Ronan was indulging himself in his impossible crush and Adam indulged himself in being miserable. On the outside nothing had changed.

Or at least Ronan thought so. It wasn't until one cold November night, when he stood freezing outside of St. Agnes, that he realized how much his feelings actually changed.

His hand rested in a loose fist against Adam's front door where Ronan had knocked, but this time no one answered. Usually Adam always answered, even on those occasions that Ronan accidentally woke him. _Usually_. Ronan came here so often in the middle of the night that there was a usually. Subtle.

He thought about putting the BMW into reverse and getting the hell away from there, but the part of him that knew how much Adam meant to Ronan and knew all things considered he was still Adam's friend stopped him. There was a light so Adam had to be home.

He knocked again and again no one answered. Sighing Ronan leaned against the door–

And almost stumbled when it swung open. He straightened himself and walked the rest of the way into the tiny apartment Adam Parrish called home.

Adam was sitting at the small desk, his back to Ronan, and his head bent down.

"Hey, Parrish, sleeping's more  comfortable on your shitty excuse of a bed," Ronan said as a way of greeting.

Adam didn't answer. His shoulders shook.

"Parrish?"

A deep intake of breath. "just leave, Lynch," he said. Then, softer, "Ronan, please."

Ronan felt rooted to the spot, staring at the scene before him in undisguised interest. Adam hadn't been dozing. Far from it.

"No," Ronan said with resolution that made Adam turn.

His eyes were red and puffy. Snot ran from his nose and he wiped it away with his sleeve. He was crying, tears slipping silently down his cheeks.

Ronan decided to try it with humor. "Parrish, you look like shit."

"Fuck off, Lynch."

He dropped the smile. "Sorry. I'm- Shit, man. Why are you crying?"

The truth was that for all his caring about people Ronan had never been good at actually showing it. That was one of the main reasons he never tried: fucking it up was inevitable. No matter how hard he tried, he would do something wrong and make it worse.

When he was seven Matthew had stumbled across his own feet trying to keep up with Ronan and scrapped his knee on the gravel. Everything had been fine until Ronan pulled his brother up to drag him into the kitchen. Matthew had wailed like a banshee when he stepped on the injured leg, bringing a furious Declan who had immediately demanded to know what the racket was about, then had taken Matthew away for their mother to fix up, leaving Ronan with a disapproving glare and the feeling of I-couldn't-do-it-right.

It was why he avoided crying people. Unless these people were Adam Parrish, apparently.

"You don't wanna know," Adam hiccuped bitterly. "It's ridiculous."

"Actually I do," Ronan said, taking a few tentative steps toward the desk.

"You're gonna laugh at me."

"Am not. Try me." He reached Adam and held his hands up in a show of innocence.

Adam grabbed the front of Ronan's shirt and pulled him forward until he could comfortably bury his head in Ronan's stomach. Ronan stared helplessly down at the other boy, his hands uselessly by his side.

"Hey," he said, awkwardly patting down Adam's hair. "Hey."

Adam's quiet crying turned into a loud wail.

Ronan leaned forward in a sort of hug. "Hey."

"I'm not gonna make it," Adam sobbed into his shirt front. "I'm never gonna make it. I'm wasting all this money on an education that won't get me anywhere because in the end I'm still too poor. I'm poor and a pretender and I'm not intelligent enough to get scholarships and I'm not gonna make it. I'm gonna die in this hole."

"Bullshit," Ronan said, putting both hands on Adam's shoulders. "That's bullshit and you know it. Why would you even think something like that?"

"Because it's true!" Adam struggled against Ronan's hands holding him in place but he didn't let him hide his face anywhere. "I'm not that guy. Not that material. I'm not _Gansey_. People don't like me and they don't give me shit because they like me!"

Ronan sat back on his heels. A part of him wanted to laugh but he suppressed that part. Instead he said: "Damn right you're not. Hell, imagine I had to deal with two Ganseys instead of one! We wouldn't even be friends because I highly doubt Gansey could be friends with himself. Really, I'm glad you're you and not Gansey."

He paused to breathe, staring at Adam long and hard.

"It's not about how many people like you, but who. And.....for what it's worth, I do. I like you."

Ronan tried a small hopeful smile and found it actually fit his face.

Adam was blinking at him rapidly, too many emotions warring behind his eyes for Ronan to decipher. It was the face of a man trying to figure something out and Ronan Lynch wasn't a fan of clearing things up when they were about him. Together with his looks and the permanent scowl the mystique of the unreadable gave him the air of someone dangerous which made people stay clear of him, just the way he liked it. Stopping people from so much as getting a tiny glimpse of who he really was had become a reflex over the years, one he couldn't even shake when it came to his friends.

"It's late," Ronan said, hopefully cutting through Adam's thoughts the way he wanted to. "You should get some sleep before you do that during calculus tomorrow."

Adam nodded absently, letting Ronan pull him up and toward the bed.

After a lot of shuffling and pulling off shoes under the covers they both somehow ended up in it, Adam's head resting on Ronan's arm like it was nothing, and Ronan on his side unable to sleep in any position that didn't have him looking straight at Adam. For a brief moment he wondered if Adam would wake when he fled from the bed. Then he wondered what kind of message _that_ would send. Then his sleep befuddled brain thought it was nice this way and he enjoyed the few moments of intimacy Adam was giving him.

Ronan would worry about the consequences later.  
  
***  
  


Ronan woke to Chainsaw screaming outside the window and Adam Parrish curled into his chest. He shuffled a little so Adam's hair didn't suffocate him. Adam stirred and squinted up at him. Then he snuggled up again.

"Mornin'," he mumbled against Ronan's shoulder, slipping his hands under Ronan's arms and around him.

Ronan put his hands on Adam's back instinctively, ignoring Chainsaw's protest, and ran lazy circles on it. Adam purred contently, the sound vibrating through Ronan's chest, and he thought he would die to hear it again. He squeezed Adam closer. Chainsaw barked something but he didn't care. Adam's head turned, soft lips grazing Ronan's jaw, and Ronan turned his to press a kiss into Adam's hair.

They were small gestures that Ronan had thought about, dreamed about a thousand times. He didn't do that now. He just _did_.

Ronan wondered whether it was the same for Adam before he realized that it didn't matter because either way _Adam_ had decided to do _that_. He chuckled.

"What?," Adam asked, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Chainsaw stopped yelling. She's gonna be super pissed now," Ronan answered, not yet ready to share his other discovery.

"Mhh...," Adam grumbled. "You gonna get up and let her in?"

"Probably."

Adam let out a whiny noise as Ronan began untangling himself from him.

He stopped. "The fuck, Parrish?"

Leaning up on his elbows Adam scrunched his nose at him. Ronan gave him a lopsided grin and leaned in to kiss him. Immediately Adam's arms came around his neck, locking him in place, but Ronan didn't mind. He went the only way possible and pressed Adam back into the pillows, sliding his tongue along Adam's lower lip. Adam's mouth opened underneath his, their teeth clashing against each other, and his leg slipped into the hollow of Ronan's knee.

Outside Chainsaw started banging her beak against the window.

Adam laughed as Ronan pulled away. "Just let her in already."

With a sigh Ronan got up to open the window. Chainsaw flew inside, landed on the counter, and began scolding him.

"What's she saying?"

Ronan shrugged and turned back to face Adam. "Something nasty about how I ignored her while giving you all of my attention, I guess."

"You could've warned me about jealous girlfriends,” Adam said, his voice light and teasing.

"Nothing to warn about," Ronan said, already moving back to the bed. Adam sat up, his back against the wall, and Ronan noticed the small LED clock beside him. "We're gonna be late for school."

The corners of Adam's mouth stayed up, something like mischief gleaming in his eyes. He patted the mattress next to him. "If we're late already it doesn't matter."

Ronan cocked his head, considering the offer and marveling at the wonder that was Adam Parrish at the same time. The Adam from last night, that panicked, rambling mess would have never said something like that. Yet when Ronan thought about last night there had been some truth in what that Adam had said. It also gave him an idea.

"You're right," he said. "Since we're already late I might as well get you breakfast before I drop you off at school."

Adam's eyes went wide and he scrambled up. "No, Ronan." A deep breath. "That's not what I meant by that last night. I don't _want_ people to give me stuff because they like me."

Ronan shrugged nonchalantly, his posture challenging and knowing it. "Well, that's just how things work," he said, daring Adam to say something against it. "I like you and I care about you, and that's why I'm gonna give you shit. So either you get dressed and live with it, or you don't."

Across from him Adam opened and closed his mouth, speechless. He crossed the few steps between them and pressed another, urgent kiss to Ronan's lips, as if he wanted to make Ronan part of himself. When he pulled away his eyes were serious, filled with love and gratitude. "Thank you."

Ronan kissed him, that being all the answer he was willing to give. Adam slipped away, picked up his clothes, and disappeared into his tiny bathroom to change.

Chainsaw hopped onto Ronan's shoulder.

"Kerah!"

"Bastard," he told the bird.

She cooed, apparently pleased with herself, and nuzzled against his neck.

"I'm happy too," he told her, and it was true.


End file.
